blood transfusion

ok let me first clarify no i did not have one done! There was no need as i said surgery was a success.
I have always filled out my forms for as long as i can recall No to a blood transfusion should the need arise.
My reasons are not religious they are personal. I am dismayed and fustrated that my arm was bend to the point it was implied i could possibly be denied my surgery for refusing a blood transfusion if it was needed unless for a religious reason.
how is that fair? I thought this was canada? i thought this is why i pay respects to my late grandfather and his comrades fallen and living alike for their strength and passion in fighting a war for our freedom?
so if canada really is the land of the free why was i reprimanded and forced to go back on something i feel so strongly about?
i know that screening is more intense now but there is always a risk or a chance of a mistake being made.

1 week post opt

wow ...
well i did great during surgery i got down to 307lbs by day of surgery, and i pulled through like a trooper even after it taking them 6 tries to get an iv started to knock me out (my veins kept collapsing they had to bring in an ultrasound machine), and twisting my arm about blood tranfusions... that is a blog for another time but the trouble began in recovery... sorry to disapoint someone but i'm still here i didn't die like you had hoped...
Recovery is only suppose to be 1-2 hrs i was there for damn near 6 hours... my oxygene levels dropped, my blood pressure spiked, and my heart rate spiked as well.
Finally i get to my room and never so relieved to see my beautiful cousin payge at my bedside. I cried i was so happy to have someone there waiting for me cause how it was going is there would be no one there waiting. Payge and i have ups and downs and are as different as night and day but when push comes to shove we are closer then most. I am truely blessed for the bond we share we deff should have been sisters instead of cousins.
I got released on friday the 22nd and was never so happy to be home with my cats and my beautiful 4 year old.  I have 24 staples and 6 incisions in my stomach. I'm a lil concerned over one of the incisions because they cut over an old scar from my gallbladder surgery and when i had that surgery that incision gave me hell to heal i ended up with a pocket of blood behind it and had to have it drained by needle etc.. so let's keep our fingers crossed nothing like that happens now.
so it would appear that my new stomach is not quite what it is cracked up to be or promised to be i am deff loosing the weight and rapidly it's kinda scarey how quickly and has sent my anxiety into overdrive the last couple of days... I am having trouble when it comes to meal replacement drinks.... seems my new tummy doesn;t like boost or other milk based drinks simliar to boost and ensure... which is fustrating... so now it's time to try and see if i can gag down a boost juice.. *sticks out tounge* not looking forward to that cause they taste like chalk.
I am on this liquid diet for another 3 weeks before i start my stage 4 diet... my staples come out this monday i can't wait cause right now i am so afraid they are gonna catch on something... i have been going stir crazy sitting here at home i'm used to being out and about with my little one. so i have taken up baking even though i can not partake lil miss enjoys helping. I turned in my kitchen last night forgot the drawer was open and damn near caught my staples on the corner of it lemme tell you i breath a huge sigh of relief i didn't lol.
a huge thank you to all those that supported and encouraged me through all of this. I shutter to think where i would be without you all. Dad, Grace, Momz, My aunts darlene and sharon, my sisters fiona, tammy , kristi and my best friend Tanya. Clayton, Larry, Chico, Melvin "q", my neighbours and so many more thank you.

Bagage

This song has had the power to make me cry since i can remember the other one is indepenance day by martina mcbride.
Growing up my home was never a home, it was a battle zone. Phyllis and her bf dick or maybe just him would be drunk and the fight would begin... the problem is my brother and i were caught in the crossfire. Often we shared her bruises in one form or another where it was physically or emotionally... too often i've seen her tear stained face and listen to her plea and cry for him not to hit her and yell at me to go in my room. Busting glass from bowls and plates and pictures being thrown and mashed to bits.
I guess the reason i'm drawn to this song partically tonight is because that side of the so called family has been on my mind alot lately. I reached out to my brother in Jan trying to make amends and was told he wanted no part of it basically... it hurts so much more then i thought it would.
I'm days away from a life changing surgery and although i am excited and hopeful for a new chance at a healthier life and i busted my ass to prove my worth and want for this surgery, i'm scared ... i say that i know everything will be fine but the truth is we never really know... and i'm scared that i won't ever have the chance to have one more hug from my big brother.... i'm scared that he's not there with me, i'm angry cause he doesn't care. i'm angry cause none of them care.
i have never fit in, i have yearn for that family's acceptance since i can remember but it was always something... i looked like the stewarts, i acted like the stewarts, my laugh was too loud, i snored too loud, there were times i'd cry and beg to go to my grandmother's only to be told not tonight another time but my brother never was told no.
even now as an adult my aunts and my grandmother live walking distance from me, they know my number... i've called but they are anxious to get off the phone have things to do, yet can sit and talk to my brother for hours. They can only reach out to me on holidays and birthdays and i'm suppose to be ok with this.... until now i was but now they are doing the same thing to my child. they thought of her at christmas and signed the cards grammy harper and aunt patty, but they haven't seen her since they don't ask for her or about her. I refuse to allow her to be treated like she has to beg or compete for anyone's attention or affection. I will not let her feel the way i did.
Physically this surgery is going to help me get healthier but i still have a long way to go emotionally and i guess where the surgery is removing the access i don't need, i need to do the same to some of my emotional bagage starting with that side of the family.