Family Tree

Well i have been on a mission to try to unlock the secerts and mysteries of my family tree. On the egg donor's side it's a confusing task the roots are so twisted and over lapping. Then no one wants to talk about things so many secerts, betrayal, lies, affairs, and more...
Now on my dad's side things are a lil hetic as well cause alot of things are dark and mysterious as far as life of my Great Grandmother Landry is concerned. I know she was a Goddard and migrated here from England, but she was tight lipped about England and her life there so it makes me wonder what she was running from and hiding. was she here legally?
So speaking of the family tree i called my grandmother to inquire about the middle names of my aunts and uncles... and was met with a firey resistance there but she did give them up, and point blank told me that was as far as she was going with it, then told me of my brother's remarks that the tree was dead limbs were missing etc. so i am takin that to mean he is not interested in making amends and rebuilding our siblinghood...
as i said to my friend i will wear a mask of indifference or even false bravo to cover my real one streaked with tears and the lines of my broken heart and spirit.

Tony

The above picture is my Half brother Tony and I, although growing up being half meant nothing to us. we fought like most kids but at the end of the day it was us against the world. My brother was my hero, my protector... i can remember him lecturing me to smarten up and stay out of trouble and telling me the horror stories of the boys school he had to attend in turo for always fighting. He didn't want that lifestyle for me.  How did we go from there to here? Not speaking, walking past one another pretending to be strangers. It kills me to think how one woman could be so maniuplative that she would pine her children off against one another. Tony and i share the same egg donor but had different fathers.
I'm lucky my father was a real dad and was there for my childhood, he wanted to be Tony's dad too and tried with him but our egg donor wouldn't let my dad adopt Tony.  Tony had resentment towards me for having a dad and our egg donor played on the to coddle him and do everything for him.
Don't get me wrong i love my brother and i miss him dearly but i won't sit here and play a pity song and dance for him because alot of his issues are his own doing same as mine are... i resented tony for having a mother. Our egg donor as i said did everything for him and always made sure to remind me i was a mistake... i only existed because she didn't believe in abortion. sometimes i look at life and wish she did... other times i am grateful because even as damnaged as i am or was i still turned out ok.
Jan 18th was my brother's 40th birthday crazy how time went by so quickly i look back and wonder where did the years go? seems like only yesterday i was following him down the street on my big wheeler  and having my ass paddled for taking it on the road lol., was that really almost 30 years ago?
so many memories, climbing the dirt hill in the back of the boarding house, riding our bikes to the kentville dump, almost ditching his three wheeler as he tried to teach me to drive it lol, hanging on for dear life on the back of his dirt bike, annoying him by wanting to follow him and his friends everywhere, sticking up for him and accidently getting knocked in the mouth at school, him beating the kid up for hitting me lol , him protecting me against our egg donor's drunken abusive boy friend (may he rot in hell now that he is finally dead) , being at the hospital for the birth of all three of my neices Sara Lynn, Kayla Toni, Kendra Olivia
Also alot of my music taste is because of my brother... sawyer brown the race is on, metallica, guns and roses. i can remember clearly him buying these records and dubbing them onto tape and closing his door to keep the sound out so the quality would be perfect lol, my love of cats and how to care for them comes from him as well. I still remember him giving me my first orange cat cuddles.
I swallowed my pride and reached out to him let's see where this leads....
song dedication "he's not heavy he;s my brother"