words....

Words have such a powerful meaning weather they are spoken, sang or even whispered. Songs are especially powerful a friend said that music has broken his heart before... I couldn't quite grasp that concept music breaking hearts? But if you think about it, it makes sence the words, the lyrics, the emotion. Our words are our thoughts in form. We often forget that although we don't always mean what we say in anger once it's put out there we can't take it back. You can't take away a real slap or punch nor can you take away the emotional feeling of it when harsh words are spoken. I guess because of my additude some believe me to be strong and unaffected by these trival things, or maybe they think i am carless and heartless, emotionless even...
I'm in no way shape or form invincible. The last time i checked i was still made from bones, blood and flesh like the rest of the human race. I could still get hurt and bleed and even cry like the rest of you.  I am fustrated and annoyed that because of my apprication or even infatuation with black men and culture that i'm called a wanna be or a nigger lover, or other disgusting things.  SO for those that appricate and respect your own culture does that make you self involved? a Honkey lover?
The sayin is let it roll off me like water off a ducks back but words have a stinging power and i'm no duck. Despite what ppl think i am so big that i waddle, nor do i have webbed feet and the only feathers i have are the ones that fill my pillows.
I am in no way proclaiming i am innocent, i'm just as guilty as being carless with my words and hurting other people, my tounge can be as sharpe as a sword often but for anyone who has been following my blog as of late or even been in my life to know what is going on knows i'm seeking to change this and slowly suceeding. I've hurt people and i'm not proud of it actually it kinda makes me sick that i have done so to some on purpose.
i talk a good game and i wear an awesome mask of strenght but true is i am weak. I'm tired of having people i love and trust find a way to throw things back in my face and use against me. I'm tired of the verbal abuse i suffer then when they get mad or overwhelmed by the everyday stress of life. newsflash! Life is hard for all of us! It doesn't give you an excuse or permission to go around purposably hurting someone to make yourself look better in front of your "friends"
So although an apology can be as moving as song lyrics sometimes it doesn't excuse a person's mistakes nor does it always atone for them.