lest we forget - sadly a tradition being forgotton

Anyone who knows the real me not the business owner, not the woman raising a child, not the loud mouth arrogrant, obnixous verbal vile spewing demoness i can be lol but the real me.
You know by now that Rememberance Day and all it's activities are something i hold very near and dear to my heart. It was not only a way for me to have something to connect me to my dad and give him a reason to be proud of me and have his respect but it was / is a way for me to show tribute to my grandfather a man i never knew.
Many are going to say something negative about that especially my aunts... but in my eyes my grandfather is a hero. He did not see any action this is true but the fact that he did enlist and was willing to go and serve his country says something does it not? It's bravery like that shown by dozens of men and women why we are all here today living without the ordeal of dictatorship.
Every year the Royal Canadian Legion Branch #6 along with the camp aldershot army cadets do a cermonial laying of wreaths in steammill at the veterans plot. A legion member in full uniform and a cadet in uniform will march side by side lay the wreath on a fallen soilders resting place then stand and salut the deceased veteran before marching back to fall back in place in line with the others.
Each year the number of parcipants drops dramatically, to the point that it is not longer wreaths laid, now it is small discardable canadian flags... Apparently the cost was too high for the wreaths when some were being destroyed by the weather... This floored me.. how can you even begin to place a cost or budget in an acceptable price for the blood these men and women shed battling for our freedom without asking for anything in return.
A few years ago i wrote to one of the local papers and was published with my views regarding the dismaying effects the lack of respect our veterans were shown was having, i had hoped it would be an eye opener, that we would see and try to amend our ways but all i got was comments like "nicely written, i'll give you that". Thanks but no thanks i'm not looking or wanting praise here i want this tradition to continue. I want my child/ren to take as much pride in this as i do and i'm frightened that someday too soon they will be asking me what is a veteran why do we remember them, what did they do for us...?
what really has me boiling and seething is that we look to adults especially the legion members for guidence, to light the way and to see how even the handful that showed at last week's cermony acting like a bunch of anxious elementry school children was disturbing but even in elementry school you know how to form a two or three straight lines (fall into rank) the cadets outshined the legion members there.
All in all the entire cermony was cluttered and disapointing, some of the cadets had no uniforms so were permitted to still attend and take place with sneakers and tattered jeans etc, some of the young ladies did not even have their hair pulled back into the proper bun as required. The final insult was when it was time for one of the legion members along with a cadet to lay the flag and a poppy on a veterans grave neither saluted the fallen veteran before walking back to retake their places in line. Am i the only one who is disapointed and fustrated at this apauling behaviour? Am i out of line to be so annoyed? If you answered yes to either of these questions perhaps you should re-evaultate your freedom and at what cost you obtained it....

Diet report and progress

this is for all the ones who think i'm taking the easy way out by getting a surgery, that i'm too lazy and useless to be able to loose the weight on my own...as of today i weigh 313lbs even according to my scales :) that makes it 11 pounds i've lost since my last visit on july 19th to the Bariatric Clinic in Halifax
i saw dr vallis the physcolist as recommended and talking to him actually helped alot. i am starting to get excited about the surgery and the possibilities that are arising for my new life. He told me i am in surviour mode just bascially operating and going through the motions of life. so i have my work cut out for me. so since hearing that it doesn't seem like a bad idea to loose myself and be able to recreate a better healthier me.
according to my bmi calculator on my black berry my bmi is 59.1  ( it needs to be under 60 for surgery)
i could cry i am so happy lol
i am only sharing one day's worth of dieting at the moment

Monday July 30th, 2012
day 1 begins of the no bread, pasta, rice, processed meats and potatoes diet :(
Current weight is 324lbs

8am breakfast
2 packages cream wheat instant cereal
(180 cal, 4gram protein)
1 cup farmers skim milk
(90 cal, 9 gram protein)
E.D. Smith syrup
(3 tbsp 30 cal, 0 protein)

Medications:
complete A to zinc centrum
1000 IU Vitamin D
300mg wellburtin

8:30am
500ml bottle water
pink lemonade crystal light
(10 calories, 0.1g protein)

10:30am
bananna
danactive probiotic drinkable yougart 93ml
(80 cal, 3 gram protein)

11:00am
water/crytral light pink lemonaide
( 10 calories , 0.1 protein)

12:30pm
high protein boost strawberry flavoured
(240 cal, 15 protein)

2;30pm
500ml bottle water/ crystal light p.L.
(10 calories)
no name cheese and crakers snack 27g unit
(100 cal, 2 protein)

4:00pm
500ml bottle water/crystal light P.L.
(10 calories)

6;30pm
small porkchop done on george forman grill
half a bag california style frozen veggies steamed split 3 ways :)
500 ml water/ crystal light

9:00pm water/crystal light

780 calories accounted for
33.4 gram of protein accounted for


Response from the dietition at the clinic
This journey you’re on is a challenging one and far from easy. Change should occur in small steps and these lifestyle changes are not expected to be implemented overnight. At last visit I was super impressed by all the changes you made. Your day too would actually be higher in protein than stated, I don’t believe you included the pork chop (3oz is about the size of a deck of cards = ~21g protein).
You want to aim for 60-80g protein a day.

I spoke to you briefly about the Bariatric Buddies program for support from a former patient but unfortunately right now they are reorganizing and looking for someone to run it. Once I hear more I’ll let you know.

Glad you went to see Dr Vallis, he is great.

Animal Control needs some controling

I am a very irriated pet owner at the moment. I live in kentville on the outskirts of town limits, as my taxes are county not munciplty. Apparently there is a by-law regarding cats and dogs running at large. i have 5 beautiful cats that are like my children i do my best to keep them healthy and happy and have medical records to back this up. almost a year ago my adult NUTERED male got out and was captured by animal control. I found Darlene Millett to be abrasive and downright rude! She had removed my cat's tag and collar and showed up on my doorstep with it in hand with the haughty attitude of "i presume this belongs to you". seeing his collar struck fear in my heart for there was no cat attached to it. She then tells me after i am in tears my cat is in her truck in a cage! she would not permitt me to release him and take him into my arms. I had to allow her to bring that cage inside of my home upsetting my other cats in order to release my one she had captured. I gladly paid the fine for inpoundment.

A few weeks ago said cat got out again this time without his collar and tag since he has broken his collar. After several days of him not returning home i began to call the local vets, radio stations etc including animal control and was told they had not seen or found a cat matching his description. When i spotted on facebook k-rock radio station had listed a found orange male cat in my area i called animal control back to inquire. After i sent pictures i was told it was indeed my cat but was told and argued with that he was not fixed. I had to go to baxter's harbour to pick up my cat from a drafty barn where he was kept in a cage cowering in the corner in fear without even a pillow or blanket to sleep on while the cage was on a cement floor. How is that not cruel? Several days later i realize my cat is not breathing correctly so i rush him to vets where i paid almost $100 for a flu shot , exam and office visit. (an office visit alone is $45) I was told it was viral and contagious so today i had to spend $120 for more medications because all 5 of my cats have caught the flu virus which animal control is responsible for my cat contacting in the first place.

I was also told three strikes and i am out type of deal that the next time i will not be getting my cat back that he will be considered a menis and will be put to sleep! It was suggested to me to get my cat a shock collar! Animal control needs to be stuffed in a cage in a drafy building on a cement floor and see how they like it! I find animal control inhumane and i strongly suggest they put someone with a bit more compassion in charge. I am not the only one to have their feathers ruffled so to speak.

30 mind numbing facts

1. Nicknames:shay, lady vanyla, preciouz, preciosa
2. Sign:cancer
3. Best Friends: legitally no one i have trust issues
4. Best Day:june 27th, 2008 the day Shyann was born
5. Worst Day:The day the music died *Rip SARA TAIT
6. Biggest Love: Shyann marie lee montani she makes my world go round when she calls me mommy
7. Biggest Hurt:miscariage of Kiara
8. Music:Reggae or something i can werk up mi waist to
9. Theme Song: someone pick one for me lol
10. Best Concert Experience:this year's apple blossom concert i had all my fam with me
11. Movies:comedy, children's, true stories
12. Celebrity Crush:angelina jolie and the girl from break out kings
13. Idols: i don't idolize or worship celebs i might drool but no idolizing lol
14. Hero:TOOKIE
15. Enemy:Myself
16. Dream: a perfect word
17. Nightmare:Having shyann put back in her biological mother's care
18. Big Lottery Win:Pay off debts, make sure my dad is taken care of
19. Satisfaction:3 years into preciouz inc and not giving up
20. Regret: learning the hard way sometimes
21. Vacation:jamaica, barbados, italy, scotland, england ireland
22. Foods:food and i are disagreeing at the moment check bacc later lol
23. Drink:apple juice ,
24. Guilty Pleasure: grinding and dancing and bumping wid a hot man and being flirted with. it's a sence of sasifaction after being an ugly duckling most my life.
25. Biggest Turn On:confidence, humbleness, dark eyes
26. Biggest Turn Off: wanna be's
27. Passion:used to be my poetry now i suppose it is preciouz inc
28. Favorite Day Of The Year: never stopped to think about it
29. Least Favorite Day Of The Year:a few of them... all mostly in summer
30. What 2012 will be remembered for: my last year as a BIG woman

words....

Words have such a powerful meaning weather they are spoken, sang or even whispered. Songs are especially powerful a friend said that music has broken his heart before... I couldn't quite grasp that concept music breaking hearts? But if you think about it, it makes sence the words, the lyrics, the emotion. Our words are our thoughts in form. We often forget that although we don't always mean what we say in anger once it's put out there we can't take it back. You can't take away a real slap or punch nor can you take away the emotional feeling of it when harsh words are spoken. I guess because of my additude some believe me to be strong and unaffected by these trival things, or maybe they think i am carless and heartless, emotionless even...
I'm in no way shape or form invincible. The last time i checked i was still made from bones, blood and flesh like the rest of the human race. I could still get hurt and bleed and even cry like the rest of you.  I am fustrated and annoyed that because of my apprication or even infatuation with black men and culture that i'm called a wanna be or a nigger lover, or other disgusting things.  SO for those that appricate and respect your own culture does that make you self involved? a Honkey lover?
The sayin is let it roll off me like water off a ducks back but words have a stinging power and i'm no duck. Despite what ppl think i am so big that i waddle, nor do i have webbed feet and the only feathers i have are the ones that fill my pillows.
I am in no way proclaiming i am innocent, i'm just as guilty as being carless with my words and hurting other people, my tounge can be as sharpe as a sword often but for anyone who has been following my blog as of late or even been in my life to know what is going on knows i'm seeking to change this and slowly suceeding. I've hurt people and i'm not proud of it actually it kinda makes me sick that i have done so to some on purpose.
i talk a good game and i wear an awesome mask of strenght but true is i am weak. I'm tired of having people i love and trust find a way to throw things back in my face and use against me. I'm tired of the verbal abuse i suffer then when they get mad or overwhelmed by the everyday stress of life. newsflash! Life is hard for all of us! It doesn't give you an excuse or permission to go around purposably hurting someone to make yourself look better in front of your "friends"
So although an apology can be as moving as song lyrics sometimes it doesn't excuse a person's mistakes nor does it always atone for them.

5th tattoo

Payge and i had the bright idea of getting matching tattoo's. We wanted something to represent us who we were and something that was unqiue. Payge decided Apple blossoms since we are from the valley and the valley is famous for it's apple blossom festival every year. I liked the blue behind it to make it pop and then we both agreed we wanted cousins on it since we are cousins and this was our tattoo not for the rest of the family. It was Loretta the tattoo artist who came up with the idea of the word being carried through the flowers on the wind since in a tattoo it wouldn't fit the way it would in the original picture. Great looking out! :) Needless to say Payge and i are both pleased with the outcome. We have always been very close even though there are times we could strangle each other at the end of the day we are family and best friends rolled into one. It has been nothing short of amazing to watch your growth payge from that baby in the harraness to a body cast (she was too smart she'd slip out of the slingshot we called it lol she was born with a dislocated hip) to the woman you have become. She laughs at me when i get sappy and emotional but when i was growing up i didn't have anyone to look up to not saying she did with me either lord knows don't follow in my footsteps i walk into walls but despite her crazy notions of looking up to me she turned out to be an amazing woman. I hope i had some good influence over your life and in a postive light not just learning by my mistakes.(and i made ALOT!!! lol) I know the city is only and hour away but now i know how you felt when i moved it's like your loosing your best friend. Love you kiddo i have never been more proud to be related to anyone as i am you! You have come so far but still so many great things in store for you Now with our tattoo's we are litterally always with one another across the miles.

 "if you look you will find me, and if you fall i will catch you" -cyndi lauper

Payge is always so brave even getting our tattoo's done she was a pro i was a wimp lol. I used numbing cream and i had to take a lorezapan to calm my nerves (even though this was my 5th tattoo) and they used a freeze spray on my foot but i still need to 'go in and have the yellow done in the flowers when it's healed. Payge got it all done in one sitting without stopping and without anything.

congrats Teah and Payge

Wow i am sooo proud of my cousin Payge and Teah. Both girls not only recieved their dipolma's last evening but they both recieved honours as well as burseries towards the colleges. Payge is going to the city where Teah is staying closer to home and going to Acadia. A very respectable and pricey university here in the valley.
I can not believe that 18 years has passed already girls, it has been an amazing journey watching you both come to this fork in the road.  Thank you both for allowing me to be a part of this journey.
you both have become very intelligent, beautiful, brave, thoughtful young women.
As you go forth to whereever your journey leads next know i love you both so very much and i know that you both will be sucessful as long as you continue to apply yourselves.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Wow where do i begin? It's been a while eh? ok there i go with that again lol. You'd have to know my penpal Rodman to appricate the humor behind that. Apparently us SnowBunnies are famous for that phrase. Yeah i died laughing when i was called a snowbunny.let's go back to the beginning of the month It was apple blossom here in the valley and apple blossom is a very tough time for me emotionally. Last year i never went , Diane and i went to pick up her grandsons last year instead and plus it was raining we had a criminal minds marathon last year me and di drooling over shemar moore lol . This year i went cause the child i am bringing up was in the children's parade she was an apple blossom on her nursery school's float too sweet. Of course she was the cutest blossom lol. But apple blossom made 14 years since Davie Little passed away so it's always a rough time of year on me. Shyann's school play went without a hitch she sang the loudest of all the two classes, and accepted her little medal for being an undergrad she will be returning to school in sept for three mornings a week. She's adapting well, her speech is clearing up, she absorbs things so quickly and the teachers just adore her. course then who can blame them.
many know i have cats they are my babies, cookie monster had to be placed to sleep and it was horrible although it was in her best interest she was suffering it was still hard to let her go.  I am going to make a nice garden spot over where her grave is something to pay tribute to my moo cow princess.
I gave Bella Mia up for adoption as she hasn't been happy here in a long time and even more unhappy since Diane passed. Di was the one person Bella took to without hestitation. I kept her two sons Fraggle and Scooter they were the only two that survived out of a litter of five. Fraggle was born with a dislocated tail that healed crooked and Scooter has a small heart mummer the vet said it is nothing to be alarmed about that he might even outgrow it. Oatmeal is a clean bill of health minus some acne on her chin (who knew cats could get acne??? apparently it's caused from plastic food dishes).
Payge... my beautiful Payge *sigh*  It's no secert payge and i are very very close. she is my cousin and my best friend.  It has been amazin watching her grow up into the stunning woman she is today at 18 she is an honour student every year without fail and this year in 2 days actually she graduates from high school and will be moving to the city shortly now that she is accepted into college in halifax.  I am so proud but at the same time it's bittersweet. I always knew she was destined for greatness she overcame so many obstcles but still you want them to stay little forever. To parents who are dealing with this i do not envy you i do however respect your ability to let go and let your children grow up.
I got to watch her arrive at her prom on a float looking like a true beauty queen. I was even permitted to stay and watch the first dance of the evening it is then that i couldn't hold back my tears any longer.
Now this same night the 22nd was relay for life in kentville. My team is Ribbons 'N' Ink.
You can't see all of my teeshirt but it says over the heart Those that have passed i hold your memory in my heart RIP. Diane Muise, Alice Landry, Jack Buckley, Cookie Monster and Leo Pettipas.

On the other side of the sneaker it says i walk in support of Sharon Stewart and Maria Montani. Keep fighting! The back says LET'S MAKE CANCER A BAD MEMORY!!!.
My teammates include and pictured above are Tabbatha McMullen aka Tabby, Alana Wilson, Myself, Cheryl Meyer and Genevea Mappleback-Munroe. What an honour to be on a team with these ladies. Cancer as taken someone loved away from us all. We had a ball with costuming lol as you can see.
yesterday I had a birthday party for Shyann even though she is turning 4 in a few days this was the first real birthday party she has ever had with children from school and everything. I had my very talented friend Michelle Clarke of Valleys Kool Cakes do a cake for shy's birthday. Shy picked out the theme she wanted she's in love with Shrek lol.  The ducks in the pond were the candles, the rocks are made out of chocolate and the characters were actual pictures printed out not just paper. Shyann loved it and as you cut into it the whole inside was rainbow. I am confident i gave her a birthday she will remember and treasure at least i certainly hope so. :)


In a few weeks it will be the anniversary of my friend Sara Tait's death as well as a few days past that her Sister Nikki's death as well as what would be sara's birthday all in the same week.

Relay update

We had originally planned on having a two day fundrasising event for our team. BUT.... the relay for life committee decided to hone in on our action lol. They made a huge yardsale for all the teams at the same time so we graciously rearranged our time and shuffled everything into one day.
we did awesome!!!
The weather wasn't as cooperative as we would have liked it to be but thankfully it compromised with us enough that there was no rain. Over a two day period we managed to raise roughly $400. Nice eh? woot woot way to go Ribbons 'N' Ink.
Sunday we helf all our festivities here in my back yard we had a sucker poll for the kids, a fish pond for kids, bbq, bake sale table, tons of free will offering items and even face painting.
The picture shown is of our free will offering jar and one of the mugs our team captain Alana Wilson did up.
we are selling our mugs year round for $5 a mug. This one has various teas and various hot chocolates along with a rice krispie treat. All of the proceeds go back into our team. We are sponsored by the county fair mall in new minas who graciously paid our regersation fee for the relay and already we have raised more then last years team.
We also want to once again thank K-rock the valley's classic rock station for their support over the weekend and promoting us over the airwaves K-rock you rock!
http://www.facebook.com/RibbonsnInk - Here is our page on facebook you can like us to view more pictures and see more updates .
Also if your looking to donate online here is the link to donate to our team.
http://convio.cancer.ca/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=11257&team_id=259730
Help us fight back against cancer and make it a bad memory!

liquid diet woes

when i was last weighed over a week ago i was 341.6 lbs sadly i have been bigger but i am determined to see this surgery through. i have a once in a life time chance to get healthy and actually live a normal life. They told me straight with all of my health issues if i don't go through with this i could actually die. I knew i was sick all the time but never to that degree so that was a rude awakening to say the least.
The liquid diet is monitored by a doctor so it is safe. (Just wanted to get that out there before the comments start coming in about dieting irresponsabily and things) . After surgery i will be on an all liquid diet for several weeks so they are preparing me now so i know what i am up against and that i have the will power to stick to this.
The object is to stay at or under 1200 calories a day and to increase my protein levels to that of 60-80 grams a day.
i am getting a better grip on where i ought to be. yesterday i was still over my calorie limit but i hit my protein levels amazingly.
breakfast - 1/2 cup cream of wheat cereal
3 cups skim milk
3 tbsp syprup (no added sugar)
note: i couldn't finish my breakfast
snack - bottle of water with strawberry/ orange/ banana crystal light
lunch - ensure strawberry with high protein
snack - 1 cup of milk with 2 scoops vanilla flavoured protein powder
supper - ensure again
snack - bottle water
crystal light
snack pack brand vanilla pudding cup

brought my total to:
1240 calories
12.2 fat
78.7 protein

I am suppose to weigh myself weekly but i think my scale is wrong it is telling me between 328-330lbs the R.N. that i email my updates to says it is entirely possible to have lost that amount in a week on a liquid diet but i am skeptical. so at this time i am not sure how much i have lost. i will update you as soon as i know :)

bragging rights

I'm trying to be more viligant with my blogs but dang lately it seems i have no time.
- i had my first parent / teacher night for the little one i am raising and i am so very proud. Her teachers say she listens very well, she participates and plays well with the other students in her class. she absorbes everything like a sponge and they feel she could even be a bit advanced. 
-Studies say by age 4 children are expected to know their name, their birthdate, their parents names and where they live. Well my little miss knows her full name, birthday her current age, how old she'll be on her birthday my real name and her nonno's real name. she knows we live in kentville but not the civic address or telephone number yet don't want to over load her but i am so excited at how much and how quickly she is learning
- I limit her televison time to about 2 hours per day depending on behaviour , her favourite movie right now is Thumbelina which is very endearing since it was my younger cousin Payge's favourite growin up as well.
- Having netflix is a blessing cause it really does help when trying to limit what she is waching along with time limits. so some of the shows she is permitted to watch and enjoys imensely are dora the explorer, digaeo, wimzies house, back yardigains, and berenstein bears.
- she loves being read to and can memorize some of her books now she's heard them so often. once in a while i'll sneak up on her and peak in on her only to find her sitting on her bed surrounded by stuffed animals reading to them. tooo cute!!!!
- she loves to hula hoop and ride her bike she is getting too big for her trike and quickly i can not get over how much she has grown in such a short amount of time. Clothes that i have had in a plastic storage bag under her bed for her to grow into some are now too small can you say wow? a pair of size 5 jeans yesterday fit her perfectally in the waist but too short in the legs lol. she's going to be tall
- I am on a relay for life team called Ribbons 'N' Ink, so little miss is the youngest member and has a hand painted shirt she will rock out in memory of her great grandfather and our dear friend Diane, then she walks with me in support of Auntie She.
well there are my brags and updates on her for the time being i'm sure their will be more at a later date.

catch up

well it's been a minute or more since i posted on here goodness but just haven't had the time to be online the way i used to be. Raising a little girl limits your me time but it's so rewarding, especially when overly critical people remark about how well behaved she is.
The only real issue little miss and i have is when she fibs and meal time, but it's to be expected she is only 3 after all. I signed up for a parenting course on my own accord that was free to take and i thought it might have some insights to being a first time parent, especially being around other parents i'd have someone to talk to. Now here's the part where everyone will laugh it was a course for dealing with defiant children. as we go around the room and people are sharing their stories i realized i was not meant to be there. i'm shaking my head at them talking about their children hitting, spitting, running the tempter tamtrums in store and i;m shocked and scared. I don't deal with any of that with little miss. I really need to count my blessings over her behaviour considering how her mother and mother's siblings turned out...
     So i finally got my fourth tattoo done and it's beautiful! i got it done on my left shoulder blade and let me tell you i never remember a tatoo hurting this bad lol but it's been 5 days and it still is quite tender even to move. I am already making plans for my 5th one. My cousin Payge and i are thinking that possibly we may get matching ones... but she wants them done on the top of the foot and i have been told that is a very painful spot. even the tattoo artist confirmed it... so might be back to the drawing board on that one for me.

i have purple streaks in my hair using splat cause it's suppose to last so much longer then manic panic and things, yeah... it worked great but it's still running and dying my towels a few weeks later. but i suppose you win some and you loose some. next time i think it might be blue streaks, i can not just not fucc with my hair lol i'm surprised i went this long from oct till now without messing with it. I am trying to let it grow more it's a nice length now but i can't help thinking how long it would be had i not cut it. Serves me right i try to spite someone else and end up spiting myself instead chalk that up to lesson learned.
my boys are getting big and bad Scooter and Fraggle, 2 out of 5 kittens that survived and i got attatched after promising not to. Just call me Elly -may Clampet lol i have such a soft spot for animals it would explain alot of my ex bfs from my teen years lol.
so i am on a relay for life team and we are called Ribbons N Ink almost every member has a tattoo and at least one of our inks are done by Everlasting Ink in New Minas by Jason Mahar and his crew.
i suppose that is it for now time to get myself dressed and head out to take little miss to nursery school for the morning. Her teachers say she listens very well and she excels.

Olive Branch

So sat night just passed my dad and my aunt threw my other aunt their baby sister a surprise birthday for her 50th birthday. For the most part it was a lot of fun to be out with my family. It;s been a long time since all of us were in one place at the same time and even longer since we have all been able to get along. lol Typical behaviour for most families.
    So some will remember the blog about Errol my father;s half brother who passed away. Anyhow his wife Paula was at the birthday party and quite drunk... or maybe she is just a natural floozy now i dunno ,, but anyhow i haven't spoken to this woman really since i was just a little toddler. Myself and her son Adam who is my cousin used to play together when we were both at my nanny stewarts. Since she passed away when i was 4 i never saw Adam again until high school, he remembered who i was but proceeded to put on airs and put his nose in the air.  I spoke to paula at the funeral to give my sympathy to her and i brushed off her adruptness then to grief at having just lost her husband whom she had been with for 30 + years. i can't expect anyone to be within their right state at that time.
so on saturday i spoke again with a smile and addressed her as Aunt to show some respect,again i was regarded like some sort of insect on her shoe, so i tried again with a do you remember me? it's been a lot of years i'm all grown up now and laughed. i got a simple yeah and a disgusted look again. Her whole additude towards me is baffling, even as far as to snub my father her late husband's brother, her behaviour was disgusting as far as i am concerned and i won;t be extending the olive branch again. see you at your own funeral next paula ciao

Surgery is not an "easy fix"

The Picture above is me age 32, taken jan 2012 i'm considered medically to be "morbidally obese". It's a horrible term to have to hear and to repeat let's face facts i'm FAT plain and simply. I've been big my entire life i have never known a day in my life that i was not over weight. I'm not as active as i could be or should be this is true but i also have limitations placed on me. it is so easy for everyone to say do this do that but until your in my shoes your words are just words.
I have artritis in my left knee to the point my entire left leg and foot swell to the point most days i can not wear socks as they cut off my circulation. i got to bed with my leg propped on a pillow and by morning it's still swelled.
I have severe obstrucial sleep apena for those that are in the dark it means i stop breathing in my sleep which leaves me not very well rested and very tired and weak, as well as it places strain on my heart, which is already enlarged. i also have asthema with a cronic cough.
i have tried diet pills, starvation, i even bought a wii and dance games to become more active.
a former friend and i use the term very loosely i'm sure he'll have something to say in regards to that as he has something to say about everything and usually it is just to hear himself talk as he knows nothing about nothing but believes and feeds his own ego that he knows everything about everything.
a quote from his blog that he had to send to my sister in order to get to me
"She beleive the lap-band surgery is gonna make,and keep,her thinner and healthy.Conclusion:Only she can keep herself healthy and the lap-band is a quick and easy band-aid,not a solution.Carney Wilson is proof stomach surgery of any kind isnt a be-all and fix-all.But as with everything else,she wants the easy way out so shes gonna go thru hell for eventual realization that it cant fix you,only YOU can fix you."
Let's list a few facts shall we?
1) i am not having the lap band they no longer do that surgery in Nova Scotia. I am having a Gasteric Sleeve done
2) not everyone get approved for this surgery you have to prove that you need it that you want it and that you have tried other options first. I have been on a waiting list for this for 7 years
3) some of the requirements i must fullfill before having it done is to be smoke and drug free for 6 months, do a 2 week liquid diet of 2100 calories or less per day but also high in protein, then i have to do a 3 month diet of 2100 calories or less per day i must keep a record of it all and be seen by a dietation to help with meal plans as well as see a physical therapist to help me cooridate an activity plan that works for me and my limiations.
4) this surgery is a life long commitment and life altering. there is no turning back it is completly non reversable. it's not like staples or elastic bands. They actually physically remove 80 percent of my stomach and i must learn to eat and drink all over again. the first year after surgery i am not permitted a drop of alcohol.
so the next time someone wants to open their mouth about how i am taking a cowardly way out, or a quick fix or a band aid for my health problems shut your pie hole and check your facts first.